Transformation is one of those buzz words you hear in self-help circles. Actually, it may be called “life coaching” now. For a lot of us, self-medication with a side of denial is closer to the truth in how we deal with our shit, but that is a different post.
I detest the ads I see that try and sell you simple solutions:
“10 Ways to declutter your life!”
” How to be more interesting, in 10 easy steps!”
“10 simple steps to exceptional daily productivity!”
“16 ways to lose weight fast!”
“12 steps to building muscle!”
Give me a break. No list I ever saw helped anyone do anything but lose a chunk of change or build up a reservoir of shame for all the ways I (yes, I have been there, looking for an easy way) failed to follow the directions. Don’t even get me started on fad diets…
Another thing that drives me crazy about the transformation culture is the underlying marketing of …you suck. The motivation pressure is sometimes based in, “you are not good enough, you need fixing. You are too flabby, you are too wrinkly, you are too disorganized, you are too boring.” That’s not a value, for cripe’s sake that is a harsh judgement.
How about this as a motivation for real change: “I want to.” No shame, or self-abasement, or fear in the driver’s seat.
What is transformation really but gaining maturity? A lot of times a form of transformation is necessary because of a fundamental change in life circumstances. Something happens. And the old way of doing life is not even possible anymore? In this case, maturing for me was making a mental, “things I will not put up with” list first. Being lied to, forgetting to take care of my own needs, listening to every voice in the world except my own, to name a few. Here and there in the transformation to a new life situation I have to stop and ask myself, “What do I want?” And then, “How can I get there?”
Kita Turner posted this on Instagram and it was shared on Hip Sobriety. Definitely a list I will be working on. After I write all about denial, lol.
It was titled, “Things I Cannot Fuck With.”
“Know what it is that unspools you, makes you come undone, sucks you in, takes you down, wastes your time, drains your life force, or otherwise keeps you stuck. Make a list. And then do everything in your power to get yourself to stop fucking around with those things on that list. You’ve got too many beautiful and big things to do and also, there are literally millions of yummy wonderful things in this world that you CAN mess with.”