Beautiful Outlaw

Healing the Memories

I’m trying to talk my son’s college age friends into doing a study on John Eldredge’s book, Beautiful Outlaw. This book was vital in my spiritual growth when it came time for me to leave the institutional church for good. I have a poster in my closet on his list of differences between “religion & relationship.”* I like to write shit out, big surprise, huh?

But the main reason I want them to study it and the reason I am thinking about it today is this one question he asked. “How have you learned Jesus?” Kind of like the memory post, many of us learned stuff about ourselves in our youth that were just damn lies! So John asks the same question. From us. From church. From media. From parents. Does the Jesus you learned about really fit to who he historically says he was? Here is how John describes him and I agree; playful, extra loving of those of small estate, fiercely intentional, extravagantly generous, brutally honest, cunning, humble, spiritual, thoughtful, kind, courageous, free. He’s the one I like.

There’s this chick I adore that probably has never been to church (or had a bad experience at one) because when I mentioned mine once, she piped up, “oh, I’m a sinner.” As I got to know her I realized that this girl, acts towards me and life the way John described Jesus. In comparison to the last Pastoral staff I was involved with, she is Jesus.

And I will say it loud, that staff of Pastors I lived with for 15 years is on RECORD as denigrating, manipulating, black-balling and four-flushing people they were hired to lead- towards Jesus! I am not responsible for their sin, so anyone who thinks I shouldn’t have said it online can fuck off. This Jesus I know, wouldn’t stand in line for .01 seconds to protect the reputations of people like that. He gives no shits about reputation. But only what a person really IS.

Hum, that was a segue. I meant to say, if you are that boy or girl “behind blue eyes” that can’t seem to escape the messages of your childhood, there is One who can help. First, he gives us a level playing field by granting forgiveness for all our fuck ups. Then, he gives us a sense of security in an unconditional love that conquers the fear of future fuck ups. The religious folk call it being born-again, and I am seeing that now, how we can start fresh, with a new parent that knows his shit when it comes to love.

“The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the EXACT representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.”
Hebrews 1:3

I wasn’t alright, but after meeting the real deal, I totally am.

“I’m Not Alright” Sanctus Real

“If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of, Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess
I’m not alright, I’m broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to you
It leads me to you
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
‘Til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I’m open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
‘Cause honestly, I’m not that strong
And I’ll move
Closer to you
I’m not alright, I’m broken inside
Broken inside
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through leads me to you
Leads me to you
I’m not alright
That’s why I need you