Reframing

My name is Jill, and I am an unhoarder. Basically, my incredibly intellectual name for the opposite of a hoarder. If an item in my home has not been used within a certain amount of time, it gets tossed. Things I particularly like, on the stubborn hand, I will never let go of. This is why you will find a copy of the 1998 movie, Ever After, in my possession. Wikipedia describes this movie as a “post-feminist, historical fiction take on the Cinderella story.”

Cinderella, in general, is described as a “European folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression.”

Brian Hardin has a book out titled “Reframe, from the God we’ve made to God with us.” (2015 NavPress) He says, “After years of pouring over scripture… “I’ve written a book to share my own journey, observations, and hope for a collaborative and holistic relationship with this God.” If you are interested, check it out. I’m sharing that because I am stealing his book title for this post and will connect it to the Cinderella story.

For me, the idea of reframing relates to a “renewing of the mind” as stated in the book of Romans. Psychologically, I first read about this idea from a Henry Cloud book in the early nineties. I have been reframing ever since I started his work contained in “Boundaries, When to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life.” (If you type his name in Amazon you will see a gazillion versions of this book and many others of his. I heartily recommend his work.)

Some of us need boundaries in our own minds. My friends and I joke about it as “telling that bitch who lives in your head to shut up.” A true tale of unjust oppression, at our own hands.

I actually remember the first time I heard her. I was taking care of my first child and having a difficult time of it. I was 26, and had never been around other people’s babies or kids. Our family was pretty self-contained, had no local relatives and did the public school route where you generally grew up inside your own peer group.

Anyway, my child did something that was perfectly appropriate for a one year old, and I was not happy with the way I handled it, I can’t recall the details. But once he was settled I went outside to smoke a cigarette and heard the words, “you are such a bad Mom.” It’s possible I looked around, it was so loud. In hindsight, to actually hear that condemning voice was a blessing, because eventually it helped me realize that “she” had been with me all along- pissing on my self-esteem without me knowing it.

She’s a power house too. I still argue with her. I don’t know where the xyz she rose up from but we have been going at it for years. Every so often I come to a point and think I have evicted her for good, but then the tide turns and I feel sick to my stomach over something I said, or I feel humiliated because of something I did, or afraid because of a path I took.

Here is a sample, this time with a reframe.

She says, “you are being controlling and manipulative.”

I say, “I have a beautiful imagination- so when possible hopeful scenarios come to me, THAT is why. I am not controlling squat!” (I definitely yell at her.)

Sometimes it comes in a flood…

“You are such an idiot, you should have not done that.
You always forget details.
You are not as smart as other people.
You forgot to count the cost.
You should have known.
You are so shallow.
You think you are so smart!”

Wow, do you see why we call her a bitch? So the reframing continues…

“I am ALL IN for living well and that takes risk!

I’m not Steven Hawking.

I don’t let my fears get in the way of my instincts.

I counted the cost and went for hope instead of safety.

I did know, but I tried anyway.

I am deep water baby and they are harder to navigate.

I’m three-dimensional but run one at a time, like other humans!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I’ve recently been told I need to work on cleaning up my language, so have decided to call her two names, since she seems to double team me at times. Drizella and Anastasia. My goal is to evict her permanently and have the voice of Cinderella in my head at some point in time, whispering niceties!

According to the 1697 version by Charles Perrault, that shoe fits.

“The first moral of the story is that beauty is a treasure, but graciousness is priceless. Without it, nothing is possible; with it, one can do anything. (And)

However, the second moral of the story mitigates the first one and reveals the criticism that Perrault is aiming at: That “without doubt it is a great advantage to have intelligence, courage, good breeding, and common sense. These, and similar talents come only from heaven, and it is good to have them.”
Now, I am cracking up, because I just quoted myself, talking to myself, not to mention a cite well-known for its mistakes. But tonight I am good with that as the gracious girl is being heard more clearly every day. Thanks for hearing me out.

Cinderella – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Cinderella” or “The Little Glass Slipper” (Italian: Cenerentola, French: Cendrillon or La Petite Pantoufle de verre, German: Aschenputtel), is a…

en.m.wikipedia.org