Blame Game

“You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.”

Erica Jong

He wasn’t comfortable where he was. But something held him back from being truly in touch with that reality. A wisp of a thing, yet she ruled from the background of his life. He didn’t stop and ask himself, what is this discomfort? Or, what am I feeling in this moment? Instead he looked outside to the world and asked it to heal his discomfort. When he looked outside he saw things. When he saw good things he just knew if he had them the wisp would vanish. He worked hard to get them and felt some pleasure. But the wisp resurfaced. Turning his gaze away from her he again looked outside and he saw bad things. So he valiantly fought against the bad things. One by one they improved but never, ever did all the bad things go away permanently. This made the wisp even stronger and he could feel the sadness.

His search continued for a way to combat it. When he peered out into the world again, he saw people, good people. Well, if only the good people were good to him, wouldn’t that make the wisp subside? He pushed and pushed but the good people weren’t compliant to his need. So he dismissed them and focused on the bad people. Yes, if these bad people would only change, the wisp would be satisfied. So he told the bad people, you must be better. Stop being bad! Sometimes he begged and cried, if only the bad people would listen to his wisdom and become good. Then she would be satisfied and leave him be. Sadly, they didn’t listen and kept doing their bad things. The wisp was stronger now, and he felt heavy.

He felt all alone in his bid to create a more peaceful world. The wisp taunted him. He knew she was calling for him yet he looked outside again and he saw the woman. Her. What if she was his? So he straightened up and put on a smile and wooed her until she was his. At first it worked, just like the other attempts. He felt good. The wisp was quiet for a time. Then he saw the woman’s eye focused on him. She was asking for things, from him! And then he knew, he didn’t have anything to give. The world had disappointed him at all turns and now she did too.  He wanted to give up on his quest to quiet the wisp.  But he didn’t want to lose the woman, or the good things he had found along the journey.  Finally, he turned to the wisp with some dread and trepidation and asked her, “What do you want?”  She smiled as she answered, “You baby, but don’t worry everything’s gonna be alright.”

It’s a parable of sorts, I hope you know.  A story common to the human experience. We all come into the world as helpless babies who must depend on others to meet our needs.  When we follow a path of maturity we learn to be responsible to meet or own needs.  Life is full of tragedy and confusion as well as love and light.  Nothing we do will ever change that.  However, our ways can either make the smell of cut grass more sweet or the shadows more lingering.

“If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Within and without
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out”

U2 Song for Someone