Do what you doin’

Call me an idealist if you want, although I prefer artist.  Or dragon. I believe people should do what they want. Oh God, how many qualifiers will I need for that statement. I am talking about the typical American dysfunctional human, not the criminally ill. I also believe that most of the time we do. Do what we want. Again, typical dysfunctional humans, not anyone who is chronically ill or has suffered abominable abuse. I choose to write about only that of which I have first hand knowledge. I know nothing of those experiences, beyond that I hate it for them.

This blogging thing is a good example. People ask me occasionally why I don’t freelance in order to get paid for my writing. In freelance, companies pay you to write for their products or their ideas etc. Having a fundamental belief (as a reformed control freak) that I don’t know what is good for anyone else, I can’t sell worth a shit. Even if I could write a good clip to sell something, I don’t want to. Which brings me right around to the idea that people do what they want, even when they don’t know it. Because I won’t do the freelance thing, I have taken help from family and friends for some elements of practical living. I believe those few help me because they want to. If they don’t want to, I guess there is something they  gain by giving so actually do want to.  Further, if they don’t want to, because of my choices or their worldviews, there is a very simple preventative. Don’t.

Wendy Rosselli Art

I wrote a Mother’s Day post a few years ago where I said, “My kids don’t owe me a goddamn thing.”( https://open-wound.com/another-one/ )The sentiment is foreign to some parents. Maybe if I position the idea in the arena of friendship it will make more sense. Fundamentally, friendship is not supposed to be transactional. It is a place where people are free to give and receive as they see fit. Some will give more, some will receive easier than others.  If you are friends with a selfish asshead, who adds nothing to your life, no need to bitch and complain about their inferiority, just drop them ya know? Now, if they are your parents, this will be hard because they have probably trained you that you owe them something. But if you are someone who chooses to love them without getting anything in return, this is a choice as well. If you can detach any residual need that was never filled by them and just love, that’s awesome too. But you don’t have to.

There is also a big lament today that every person in the general public does not do what is right. No shit, alright? Everyone is supposed to be free to be who they want and no way will every person in the whole arena be what you or I “think they should be.”  Of course this thinking precludes those in positions of authority who have promised to hold to a specific standard.

 Number one, it’s not up to you and me. Number two, get over it, or go live in a commune where everyone signs on a dotted line to follow their rules for living.  I’m not saying any of this is easy for us, particularly my dysfunctional self, or that it didn’t take me a lot of time and pain and thought to come to this way of thinking. Not only that, I feel free to speak my mind because I know I can change it if it doesn’t line up with my heart’s view at another time.

 I do like to share from those who have gone before,  to  illustrate where others have inspired some of my thinking. Most writers are big readers and we soak up material to the point we don’t always know our original thoughts, at least non-fiction writers.  And you know, I like the sentiments.  Diogenes had a reputation as a bit of a whackjob, sometimes literally, and who knows if the conversation ever really happened.  Thomas Merton was a Trappist Monk who spent a large part of his life in monasteries.  For me, it is the words that get me thinking, not just who said it.  

From Anthony de Mello:

“The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king. Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’  Diogenes replied, “But if you would only learn to live on lentils, you wouldn’t have to flatter Dionysus.”

And Thomas Merton 1965

“You are not big enough to accuse the whole age effectively, but let us say you are in dissent. You are in no position to issue commands, but you can speak words of hope. Shall this be the substance of your message? Be human in this most inhuman of ages; guard the image of man for it is the image of God. You agree? Good. Then go with my blessing.  But I warn you, do not expect to make many friends.  As for the Unspeakable-his implacable presence will not be disturbed by a little fellow like you.”